Thankfulness

 I've cried tonight. Not because of sadness but of gratitude of my friends and family who have reached out to me. Of course it's my 60th birthday but is underlayed with the loss of Q (anything always will). I am thankful though, to family and friends reach out to me sometimes despite not knowing what to say. Anyone who has ever experienced this loss never will (and I pray that they never will). Knowing that people you love will reach out in someway to just say they are there for you means the world to me.

 3 weeks until the first leg of my trip (this will be to the UK)! Q used to joke with me when I became almost giddy planning a trip then getting on a plane. I used to tell him that there was nothing equal to that luggage wheeling along then those airplanes taking off. He used to just laugh and shake his head. The thing is, I wanted to expose him to different cultures, different ideas and different people.

This is the first time I will be traveling without Q. I am a little bit shaky and a little bit afraid to do this without him. I know though that he is still laughing and shaking his head.

I worked on organizing the garage today. I came across a black and yellow bin. I use these to signify Q's stuff. Like a typical mother I have loads of these bins. Admittedly I have many bins of Q's time in the military. Dress uniform, fatigues for time in the US and time overseas, boots. I also found these. I was surprised and felt a love for him that was overwhelming. I do believe I am healing though. Instead of a wave of losing him I started to feel gratitude for the 27 years I had him in my life.