There was a slight shift in me that
day. At exactly 4:35 p.m., at the age of
54 years and 5 months, it occurred. This
shift was sudden. I am certain it was imperceptible to others. This shift was slight,
akin to a second hand moving swiftly on a clock. If not focused upon, that second would instantly be
gone. Yet it was there. I know this
because a second must pass for time to move forward.
There was no anger, no resentment
at 4:35 pm. on that day. There was, however, a clarity in my decision to draw
back and remove myself. It has been 462 days since doing so. My life,
though generally peaceful at the time, has become increasingly so. I can trace,
month by month since that shift, an up ticking of movement as the days pass.
I consider “happy” to be an overused word in our culture's vernacular. Diluted down so that it
has little meaning at all. A substitute for “happy” in describing how I feel now is "peaceful". I am light. I am buoyant.
On rare occasions, past images flutter through my mind. They can be bitter sweet. When I reflect upon the genesis of these feelings, however, I
realize the truth. That the thing which I thought I desired, in the way I had desired it, had never really existed at all.
