It ends with us...

Talking around things instead of speaking the truth. Not dealing with real issues but talking about anything—the weather, our kids…anything except what needs to be addressed. That elephant is in the room.  It cannot be denied.

These patterns are analogous to walking around a cactus but never reaching out your hand to touch it. The barbs are sharp, and they may cause some bleeding and some pain. We avoid them at all costs. We fear those sharp edges as we know the possibility of a cut will cause us discomfort.

We were raised to be “nice” yet we are so resentful/angry/jealous that these feelings are there, just under the surface. They bubble up and spew out at seemingly unexpected moments.  These verbal expressions  which manifest our emotions, our feelings, are sharp barbs. They are hurtful sound bites.

If confronted with this behavior, they are denied vehemently. That did not happen; that did not occur. This is not what a “nice” person does. These patterns are formed over years in a family. They are like a smooth stone which is familiar in the palm of your hand.  Their smoothness and presence offer comfort.

Difficult, uncomfortable, I do not/I will not feelings are brushed aside.  They are buried deep so that no one (except you) knows they are there. I have decided I am breaking this pattern, at least in my life and in my time.  I am speaking my truth as I see it and and am my staunchest advocate. I choose to support who I am:  here, now and then.

Please know I am not resentful nor angry.  I know,  however, that these deeply ingrained familial patterns are not healthy. They may serve to smooth out a moment, but they ultimately lead to those knots in our stomachs. They are manifested in those sleepless nights. 

I have made the decision.  It ends with us.